Ultimate Dilemma: Forgive Me Lord

Prelude

“Cheri Vivian Payne, you are going to burst Hell wide open! You can’t just come between a man and his wife and think that God’s not gonna take notice. I didn’t raise you to be no home wrecker and I certainly didn’t bring you up to be no whore,” Sonja Payne said as she stood over her daughter waging her finger in her face where she sat at the kitchen table in her home where she had raised all her children.

Cheri had always been secretive. However, her mother never imagined that her baby girl would turn out to be the mysterious woman that had been having a long time affair with one of the most prominent pastors in South Jersey. “What is wrong with you, girl?”

Cheri looked up at her mother knowing she would not like the answer she gave her, “I love him, Mama.”

“You don’t know what love is,” she said between clenched teeth.

Cheri dropped her gaze to the floor. Her mother was head deaconess at Bethel Baptist Church where her family had been members since before her mother was born, “I can’t help how I feel.”

“It’s not about what you feel, it’s about obeying the Word of God.  I can’t believe Pastor Owens would leave his wife and children disgracing himself before the All Mighty and for what? Feelings? It’s a scandal and a shame, and to think a child that came from my own body has allowed this vile thing to be committed through her.” Her mother walked toward the kitchen sink, taking off her apron and tossing it on the counter in frustration.

Her mother was petite, but large. She weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds and she carried it with the appearance of authority. “Mama, please let me explain,” she implore.

Her mother either ignored her or simply didn’t hear her plea, “Jesus, Lord what are people going to say? He is suppose to be a man of God, but now I know all the talk about him is true. I know you heard about him being caught at the Red Roof Inn with his secretary so you know you’re not the only one. If he’ll leave his wife for you expect to be the next victim do you hear me?”

Cheri didn’t say a word to defend her man even though she knew the real story behind the rumor. The fact of the matter was it was her who had met Pastor Preston Owens at the Red Roof Inn. After they made love he fell asleep and Cheri quietly left him in the room spitefully taking his clothes with her. She had been angry with him. Angry because she wasn’t Mrs. Preston Owens and angry because she was a thirty-three year old woman who had never been married and he had denied her something mostly every woman in the world wanted, children. So on that day she left the hotel with everything except his shoes. Pastor Owens had to call his secretary to bring him one of the suits he kept at the church. His secretary had been mistaken as the other woman when a woman from another church saw the secretary leaving the hotel moments before the pastor. It was because of this that the rumor started exposing a half truth.

When Cheri didn’t answer her mother she asked her, “How did you let this happen? That’s all I want to know. How in the world did you let this happen?”

“He wasn’t married when I met him, Mama.”

“But you should have left him alone when he married another woman over you. But you’ve allowed him to have his cake and eat it too.”

“Mama, please let me explain.”

“I don’t want to hear how you let some hypocrite compromise you.”

“Mama, just let Preston talk to you. I sure you’ll see…”

“I don’t want to talk to that man. I don’t want him in my presence and I certainly don’t want him in my home,” she hissed.

“What do you want me to do?” Cheri asked sadly.

“You tell that man to go home to his wife and children,” her mother waged her finger two inches from her face. “If this man didn’t respect the vows he made before God and a church full of family and friends, what makes you think he’ll be faithful to you?”

Cheri was quiet as she watched her mother walk away to sit in a chair opposite her.

“So we’re supposed to live miserable for the rest of our lives denying our love for each other?”

“That’s the choice he made when he married his wife over you.”

How many times had Cheri heard from her sister Angie that Preston Owens had made his bed hard by marrying a woman he didn’t love, and that she needed to leave that man alone and let him lay in that bed, without her. “Why should I suffer for one mistake that can be corrected?”

“Because he had a choice and it wasn’t you. He must honor the vows he made before God and to his wife.”

“But, he wants to fix his mistake. He wants to marry me. Why can’t you just be happy that I’m finally going to be happy?

“I can’t celebrate this travesty of a marriage with you. I won’t be a part of it ‘cause if I do, I’d be condoning it.” Her mother looked at her sternly with a mixture of something she’d never seen in her mother’s eyes. “You’ll never be recognized as the real wife.”

“It doesn’t matter because I’m marrying him anyway. The bible says to obey the law of the land and as long as he divorces, he can marry me. The bible gives clear directions on how to hand a divorce.”

Her mother looked at her with fire in her eyes and said, “If you do this then you will no longer be a daughter of mine.”

“Mama, you can’t mean that!”

“I mean it. So you hear me and hear me well. If you marry that man then forget I’m your mother. I never want to see you again and I will pray God has mercy on your soul.”

“I love him.”

“You choose this day who you will serve, your flesh or will you keep His commandments?” Her mother rose from her chair. “Now, if you choose to repent and live by God’s Word… I will support you through this time of reconstructing you life and getting you back in line with His Word. But if you chose to marry that man, then I want you to leave my house and never return not even when I die.”

“Mama…” Cheri had tears in her eyes. How could her mother disown her? How could she just write her off as if she was a worn out pair of shoes? “Mama, please. You don’t know what you’re saying. You can’t mean that.”

“Oh, I mean what I say. Marry him and forget me. You will no longer be welcome here. Don’t contact me for nothing and I mean that.” Her mother stared at her for a few moments with what could only be described as repugnance as no more words passed between them. Then she stood. “You know your way out,” and her mother walked out of the kitchen.

Cheri watched as she disappeared into another room. She blew out a long sign knowing there was no way to make her understand her point of view at this time. She would need time. As she walked out the back door to her car, she turned to look at the house that held so many memories and wished things could be different.  

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